I am currently reading The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson. Although I am just in the first few chapters, it has me thinking. My biggest fear isn't that I will reach for my dream and fail, but that I will never find it in the first place. I know I have a "big dream" still hidden in my heart, but the daily stuff of life seems to have taken over.
When I was a little girl my parents made me feel like I could do anything in the world. Not just that there were opportunities out there, but that I was fully capable of achieving greatness. I went through a ballerina phase, thought acting looked fun, growing older I pondered becoming a doctor, maybe a lawyer, and for the longest time I wanted to be a teacher. My job as a mom lets me do all those things to some extent.
Perhaps my dream is not an occupation. When I was graduating high school I had visions of traveling the world. I did not, however, picture five kids in tow. We seem to get in one trip per year and barely travel across a few states let alone leaving the country. I love the arts. Could it be that my dream could be expressed on stage or on a canvas? I want to help people. Maybe my dream is a service or ministry in need. I sit and stare at the sky, as if my dream will come to me on a cloud.
Perhaps I am already living my dream. I am beyond blessed with five healthy children, a husband who loves me every single day, and a safe home for us to be in together. I guess I have come to the point where I say "how could I ask for more?" And yet, there is this tugging of the heart telling me there is so much more in store for me. I definitely have dreams of a bigger house, but even more so what life would be like in a beautifully organized home. I dream of having a personal chef, does that count?
How can it be that after 34 years I do not know this about myself. Well, I will continue to read, pray, and ponder. I am excited to dig in deeper, also a little nervous at the thought of stepping out of my safe little bubble. I don't want to wait until I have sent all five kids off to reach for their dreams to finally explore my own. The journey continues.
Are you actively pursuing your "big dream?" Do you know what it is but don't know how to take that first step? Or have you, like me, lost it along the way?
I can relate wholeheartedly, Jodi! And although it is hard for our own dreams to be put on hold, we are doing one of the most important jobs ever! Although dirty laundry and poopy diapers seems a far cry from the things we want to be doing...some day our children will rise and call us blessed and it will be worth every sacrifice! Great post! Keep up the good work, mama.
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